I got through the day without any crazy mishaps. Except when I went to lunch and my grandmother wanted to talk about immigrants and protesters. Oh and except for when I forgot to take my anxiety meds and had a pounding headache by noon. And also except for when my family keeps talking about diets and "fat people" and how to live 'right' and how everybody is doing it 'wrong' and how I should probably stay in Michigan, especially near Grand Rapids. ARGH IT IS FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH AND I AM INFURIATED.
This month I feel like I've been trying to not look down, only look at the step ahead of me. Otherwise I will freak out and hyperventilate. Sob. Huge tantrum. There are some good things too, of course, because grace has a way of showing up even in environments that are not so graceful:
Walking on the trails (and when nobody else is there, getting to run down the little hills or sing or hum)
Sitting on the porch with my parents drinking GIn and Tonics and visiting, laughing
Reading Patti Smith
My uncle helping me stay focused on job applications
Ginger coming in my room to lay next to me in the morning
Being around my brother
Keeping my bangs nice and short, cutting them often but not too much
Spotify
MY FUCKING BIKE
The Subaru
Amelia and Natalie
Fuck
My prayer for June