I am very fond of my own company. I am laying in my bed with the sun coming through the window, the sounds of Devon, the cars and buses and such. I took my shirt off because it was too tight after wearing it all day. There's no need to be cautious about being half naked when you are alone and writing and reading.
I presented my research! It was totally great, with the posters and the visiting and the pictures and the presence of my loved ones and my "Climate Action Now" shirt.It feels weird to pay such close attention to graphs and where people are looking. I hope it is worth something in the end. Attention can be loving in science and math too.
Team Diamond:
DSP formal: I wore fabulous shoes that gave me such blisters. Drank with fervor. Danced. Full of joy and all the sentimental things like that
I had a cute and fun crush situation but then realized I didn't actually like him that much. Ugh. Feeling awkward. M and I debriefed in the Subway with Auntie Anns pretzels and caught each other up to speed on our romantic happenings.
GETTING GOOD AT COMMUNICATING WITH MY FRIENDS: M and I talked about how things are changing, the good parts and the hard parts, acknowledging how steadfast our care for one another is, told K8 and E. Landt I couldn't commit to living with them without a job (was very nervous for that as well). Hard conversations are part of good and healthy friendships.
my old crush Hank is coming to visit this weekend for the senior boat cruise. I hope we get to hang out
VR has been hanging around yesterday and today. He texted me about job tips. I think the grace I am willing to share bothers him. Makes him squirmy. I will be kind and gentle and also keep telling him that I know he is better than the way he treated me. It is not completely selfless, because I, too, can't afford to be weighed down with that type of resentment and cynicism. Anyway, the grace, the mercy. He doesn't know what to do with it. It's like when Mary Oliver says
"Does it bother you, that mercy is so difficult to
understand?
For some souls it's easy; they lie down on the sand
and are soon asleep. (me)
For others, the mind shivers in its glacial palace
and won't come. (him)"
He's in his glacial palace avoiding my kind heart. He doesn't need to, I just think he might like it better without the cold.